Friday, November 4, 2011

"Mama why are you blind?"

It finally happened. The question I have been asked all my life was finally asked by Max this morning.  A question I didn’t believe would be asked from him for years to come. 
I knelt in front of Max and tied his left shoe and then looked up at him.  Words he spoke pierce my soul when he gazed into my eyes.  “Mama, can you see anything out of your blind eye?” 

I finished tying his shoes and gave a solid smile.  “I don’t see anything out of my blind eye.  Place your right hand over your right eye.” 

Max pushed his hand up against his eye and looked around his bedroom.

“Can you see anything out of it Max?” 


"Well, that is what Mom sees, nothing.”

He pulled his hand away from his eye.  “I wouldn’t like that.”

Five minutes later he started up with a new conversation at the breakfast table.  He steadily spoke between spoonfuls of his cereal.

“The homeless get in danger if we didn’t help them.  They would be out of control and we don’t want them out of control.  If they go out of control they will think we are killing them. We bless them now or two days here that we need to bless them.  Two days. “

“What are you thinking about Max?”

“Video games.”

“Why video games.”

“Wii video games that we have. Nintendo is a game system, isn’t it Mama.”

“Yes it is.”

“I’m thinking about school right now, why are you like that Mama?  Thinking about the Rattle Snake that was scary and crazy like a skill athlete, but not really a skilled athlete.” Max ate his last spoonful.  “Mama, you need to get a MMR shot so you can see out of your eye.”

I placed my pen down and pondered a few seconds before I answer Max. “But, the MMR shot won’t help me. It just stops you from getting the German measles and I have already had that.”

He quickly response as though he found a solution to my blind eye issue.  “Would Tylenol Work?”

I placed my hand under my chin and rested it on the table. “To do what?”

“Would Tylenol make your eye better?”


His puzzled expression warmed my heart. Then what will?”

I took a sigh before I responded.  “Nothing will make my eye better. ”

“But why?  The only way to get better, what do you have to do actually? 

My voice softened. “Well, there is nothing I can do.  It’s damaged, it’s broken.”

Max got up and placed his apron over the back of the chair.  “Is it like a window, a tree or a car?” 

“What do you mean like a window, tree or car?”

Max through his hands in the air.  “Do you have to leave it, like a window you have to leave it? What’s blinding mean?”

“The word blind means dark can’t see out of it.”

“Where is the German measles?  We need to take it out of you.  It may help you not to be blind.  Would you like that Mama? Are you made blind?”

“You see Max; each one of us is given a trial in life. Mine is having congenital rubella syndrome that has given me birth defects with, vision and hearing.  You were given Autism, but we both can still accomplish whatever are dreams are.  We both are awesome people.”

I guided Max to the restroom so he could brush his teeth before the bus came. “What do you mean?”

“Why were you made that way? What type of shots did they have when you were a baby?

"They didn’t have a lot of shots when I was a baby. "

"Were you crying a lot when you where a baby?”


“When I was a baby did I open my eyes all the time?  Did I cry a lot when Malachi turned up the music really loud?  Did I cry like, waa, waa, like Preston?”

I tried to write this word by word of what Max said. 

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