The Blessings Of Having A Teenager With Autism

Ten  Eleven Awesome Reasons Why Max Is Magnificent  

1.       He calls me on his bus ride home every day. He says, “Mom, I want to tell you something. I love you.”

2.       He never tries to lie or cheat. When I ask him a question he will answer truthfully even when he knows he did something wrong. It’s remarkable.

3.       He follows directions and obeys rules. A week ago, we were driving over to celebrate his Grandma’s birthday. We had a pot of chili in the back of the van. Max was asked by his father to unbuckle at the stop light to quickly check to see if the lid was still on the pot. Max response was,  "Dad I don’t want you to get a ticket and it’s not safe for me to unbuckle. Do you want me to die dad? I will die if I unbuckle and you will get a ticket from a policeman. Do you want me to have a funeral dad?” Max’s dad agreed and that was the end of the story. My other children would have jumped at the opportunity to unbuckle and check the food.  For the next 15 minutes Max kept explaining that he felt bad that he can’t disobey the rules.

4.       He always has a smile and loves to laugh at whatever is being said.

5.       He will ask the most unique questions. “Mom what does nude mean?” After he is told what the definition for nude is. He has a comeback with… “So when you shower you are nude and when you have clothes on you are ude.” Everyone got a kick out of it and Max invented a new word. “Ude”.  Max is so cleaver.

6.       Max is affectionate. He will put his arm around me at church and hold my hand. He loves to give hugs. When he was little the only way to get him to sleep was to roll him tight in a heavy blanket and rock him. He loved being held tight.

7.       Every night he likes me to tuck him in bed and turn the light off. He will wrap his baby blanket (I made the blanket when he was little) around his head when he is sleeping.

8.       He tries to keep up with practicing the viola and reading scriptures. We started reading the Doctrine and Covenants a week before school to give him a head start for seminary. It’s a requirement for the school year for him to read this book. After school started he came home and said, “I have to read Joseph Smith History before I can read anything else.”

9.       When we went to meet the teacher night at school the math teacher and the seminary teacher said Max loves to talk. I was shocked because when Max was little he was non-verbal until the age of five. He had no language and was not able to express anything he needed or wanted. The only way I could figure out what he needed was when he banged his head on the floor or screamed. What a blessing it is that he is able to use words and express what he wants and needs. He has come a long way and now he tells me he loves me. I cried the first time he said Mom.

10.   There are so many other awesome things about having a teenager with autism and I will continue to share them. Max has been a source of strength to many people including me. He has been a light and an example of how I should strive to be. Thank you Max for letting me be your mother.

11.   One last thing…I have been blessed with four other amazing children, two son in laws, one daughter in law and three grandchildren. My magnificent grandson has autism and has been an added strength to our family and to me.  Max loves his nephew and enjoys being with him. Max understands that they both have been blessed with learning to cope with having autism. I asked Max a week ago how does it feel to have autism and he said, “Mom it’s hard, it’s so hard. People don’t understand me.”

 Max at Camp Lo Mia

 

 



Magnificent Max in the month of March.

Max believes his world opened up to another level, since he turned 13. He believes he can now watch any PG-13 movie, because it has the number 13 in it. I have tried several times to explain to him that I don’t even watch all PG-13 movies, because some of them do not meet our standards.

Max takes everything as it’s stated. For instances he believe if his teacher tells him his homework isn’t due until March 12^th then he will not hand it in until that date. He had a project due on March 29^th in Social Studies on World War 1 using a poster board and designing it with a slogan. Frustration stirred as I tried to remind him to get started on it a week before it was due. Max would remind me that he can’t hand it in until the due date and that he can’t even start on it until a couple of days before it is due. I tried to explain to him he could hand it in before the due date and he express his opinion that I was wrong. Max takes everything literally. I have realized it’s how people with autism see life.

It was a joy to see Max excited about his family coming over to celebrate his birthday. His Aunt Terese had her birthday a few days before him and we sang Happy Birthday to them at the same time. I could see how he felt of value as we rallied around him and sang. His smile touched his ears and his eyes beamed with joy.

The last month and half have been busy, with baseball practice. I’m so thrilled that one of Max’s dreams of being a member of a baseball team came true. It’s going to be a wonderful opportunity for him. The Little League started a team for children with special needs for the first time . What a blessing for Max. He loves to bat and was in a bat-a-thon a couple of weeks ago. He hit the ball 152.5 feet and won a wooden bat. This Friday he is going to walk out on the Diamondback baseball field with the players and yesterday he was interview by one of the news stations about being on a baseball team. He takes baseball seriously. He wears his new team jersey with pleasure along with his batting gloves, baseball hat, red belt, white pants, and cleats. For his birthday his brother in law and sister got him a new glove, battling gloves, and bat and his brother and sister in law got him a bat with some balls to practice with. I know it warms his heart to have his sibling support him.

 

We were able to attend General Conference in Salt Lake City and Max had a hard time with all the people around him. He sat next to me with his suit coat over his head during the two hour meeting. He was quiet, but I sensed it was hard on him to be among so many people. Sometimes he will put a cloth grocery bag over his head and play his I-pod to close himself off from the world.

 

A wonderful blessing happened for Max in Utah, he gained some new friends. It warmed my heart to see him building unity with his second cousins. They wanted him around and he wanted to be with them. What a joy it was to watch him interact with them.

Max's Mood Scale

 

 

Max's teacher has a number scale to help her students express how they are feeling. Here is the mood scale that Max has brought home. I asked him what each one of them means and I wrote what he said next to his mood description word.

 

 

The years that Max was non-verbal and his behavior was sometimes more difficult to keep under control, seem like a hundred of years ago. My heart aches at the memory of seeing his hand go through the living room window, all because he wanted to go for a walk. The countless times he ran out onto a main intersection now seem like someone elses story. I remember the numerous times he would dart out of my parents home and run out onto the street.

A hobby Max had developed was tossing his shoe at me while I was driving during rush hour. I know why he did those things. It was the only way he knew how to express his feelings and desires.

What a blessing that he can now share his feelings with me. Sometimes he has a difficult time, but most often I can at least figure out what he is wanting or needing.

 

Now he talks non-stop and he seems to think that when he ask a question I should know the answer right away. Well, I'm defiantly not a perfect mother and I don't always have the answers, but I try to answer him the best way I know and in a way he will understand.

 

We all have mood swings, we all have days when we are down unable to see any ray of hope of things changing or moving forward. For Max he sees each day as a day to play his wii, attend school and place Lego's all over his bedroom thinking they will permanently stay in that spot. He will have them even put on the shelves in his closet, dresser, floor. When I ask him nicely to clean up his face droops with sadness when he realizes it's the only way I can dust and vacuum his room.

(Yes, Max does vacumm.)

Scale mood number five kind of shocked me. Crazy Mad a combination I have never used before to him or any one else that I can remember. 

Heaven knows after raising five kids and one with autism, I might of said it. Life brings us trials that help us on our course through our trail of life.

Thanks for letting me share the story of a little boy who holds not only my heart, but my life.

Sandwiched between love.

I’m grateful Max is the youngest of our family.  He has been blessed with two older brothers who are a wonderful example. There are a thousand reasons why it’s been a blessing for Max.  

One reason is he has more than one sibling. I realized throughout Max’s elementary years he was and is one of the only classmates that have more than one sibling.  Most parents when they find out they have a special needs child decide on only one more child to complete their family.  For me, I can see how hard it would have been if Max was my first born child.  Max ran off into intersections daily, tore my curtain, pulled my pictures off the walls.  He punched his hand through the living room window and dismantled the window screen.  He didn’t sleep through the night until he was seven or eight years old.  My life was constantly unsettled.  

I see how grateful I should be for the strength I had to manage the best I could.  I prayed daily for good judgment of how to carry out my daily activities to provide for my other children and Max.  I know my children sacrificed, went without my help several times throughout their childhood years. I look back and see how each day was a battle with how to cope with autism in my son’s life in our family.  I owe my children a lot for their love towards Max. They have been heroes, they have taught him by example of what matters.  They have shown him how to be who he is today.  Max mimics what his brothers do, from cleaning, to movies they watch, from habits they develop. Max’s oldest brother Michael has a family of his own and Max observes how his brother treats and cares for his own son Preston.  Malachi is always there to help him practice his viola and give him encouragement.  Max doesn’t have the upper body strength to hold the viola for very long, but Malachi cheers him on to try.  Malachi guides him, loves him, and treats him like an older brother should.   I love my three sons and two sons in laws. They have all been an added blessing in Max’s life.  

I need to convey how much I appreciate my daughters and daughter in law.  They have been a source of deep strength to me.  Each daughter has given Max a genuine love of feeling wanted.  Max always talks about each one of his siblings and siblings in laws.  Max loves their ideas, words of comfort and time they spend explaining a word or subject.  They say it takes a community to raise a child.  For me, it’s taken more than the community; it’s taken my brilliant children to help raise Max. 

I want thank, Michael and Haylee, Melissa and Blake, Miriam and Bryce, Malachi, and my husband.  I’m beginning to see the light at the end of tunnel.   Max is magnificent and he shows each day I have him. 

Yesterday Max prayed for the homeless to be happy, be safe and those around them will love them.

Max has taught me, that I can climb a hill carrying a thousand pound rock on my back, with bare feet.

I love you Max. I dearly love you. Good luck on your play at school tomorrow.