Yesterday Max and I went to the grocery store to buy milk and a few other items. While I was self checking out he kept on asking me "Mom what are we doing later today?"
I don't know why, but I felt overwhelmed with his question and knew it wasn't common for me to get so uptight with him. I am usually very calm. I felt a need to hurry and leave the store. So I didn't pay much attention to what Max was asking.
Max moved closer to me and put his weight on the scale of the self check out counter. (He has never understood the reason of why I don't want him to touch it.)
"Max stand away from the scale please so I can finish and we can leave."
He quickly moved away and tapped my arm. "Mom what are we doing later today?"
I was scanning my fourth gallon of milk and for some reason I couldn't focus. "Max let me finish and then I will answer your question."
Max touched the scanner again making it to were the cashier had to come over and see what was going on. "Mom why are are you acting like this? Why won't you answer me?"
I had this urge to lay on the floor and scream while kicking my legs and shaking my arms like a toddler. But being an adult I knew that was out of the question. Max tugged at my shirt like a little boy would and yell out. "Mom what are we doing today?"
I seriously came close to throwing my money in the air and walking out the door, but I knew I couldn't do that either. My hands shook as I tried to focus on what way to place the money in feeder so it would accept it.
I realized as I left the store that Max still is a little boy. It's been hard to see him grow physically, but in someways he is still a little five year old.
Under my breath and almost a whisper I said a prayer to help me calm down and realized there was no reason to be upset. I guess after Max asking me before we even arrived at the store, then while we shopped and then while we checked out I never could answer him.
Max believes once you say it you have to mean it. So I guess I never answered him, because I didn't know what to say. I knew in my heart what he wanted to hear is, 'Oh we are going to the Lego's store.'
Max has taught me to value life and see the good in others. He has helped me to deal with problems in ways I didn't think I ever would have learned without the trials I have had with him. He is a blessing and joy.
When we got home I sat with him and explain he had scouts and needed to have dinner before he left. I think he was disappointed and sad. I knew if I would have told him at the store while I was checking out it would have been more frustrating than it already was. He would have then started to ask me, "Why, why can't I go to the Lego store?"