One of Max's Best Friend...Irvine

 

Irvine and Max

 

 

Max has a dear friend...who I have neglected to acknowledge on his blog. A friend who has been there through many difficult trials in our family. He has share compassion, friendship and even support during the death of both my parents. His dear wife has done the same.

Back when Max was none verbal, unable to express his thoughts or needs Ivrine stepped up to the plate and added his gentle hand. Max would run the halls at church and scream making church a very unpleasant experience. Irvine requested the opportunity to work with Max when he was two, three, and four years old. He walked the halls with him, walked him around the church grounds and introduce him into the world of friendship.

Now Max still talks of his best friend Irvine. It never fails when Max is asked who is best friend is his response is Irvine.

Irvine is a father, husband and son...he is a delightful soul who cares about Max and his welfare. He is someone who took the extra time to get to know Max and help him feel wanted and needed.

Thanks to Irvine and his sweet wife.

Max will never, ever forget you.

Tuesday'S Breakfast with STRAWBERRIES!

Max's bus arrives at 6:55am and that has been the norm for Max since the age of three. The ticket for Max to have a successful morning is making sure everything is in order before I even wake him up. Make sure his egg is in the pan, toast in the toaster and milk poured. For about two months now I have been letting Max pick out his own clothes combinations.  Shirt and shorts. After twelve and half years of dressing him, I'm glad we graduated to the next step.  For the most part Max does a awesome job. Sometimes though, he feels if his pants have a pattern in them, so should the shirt. I feel blessed that he can now dress himself. 
*Hooray* 

This morning was off to a good start. Max walked into the kitchen put his red apron on and sat at the table. I have struggled these last six months to find a jam or jelly that he would like, to no avail.  I decided to do what I did as a kid. A little sprinkle of sugar. Max loves to talk about random stuff and while he observed his strawberries on his plate he anxiously shared he had homework.

"Oh, did you sign my PE form...I need my tennis shoes." Max returns to the table with shoes in hand. "I have to take my shoes today."

I took a deep breath and exhaled with discouragement. His dirty shoes sat near my feet.  I failed as a mom, not catching earlier how dirty his tennis shoes were after Boys Scout camp. "Max, Mom needs to wash them before you can take them. I will send a note to the PE coach about the shoes."

Max moved his body in my direction. "Mom I have to have my shoes and you need to sign my paper." 

I stopped myself from looking at the clock, knowing the bus should be here in the next couple of minutes.

Max continues holding the strawberries.  "Mom these strawberries have mold on them. Look mom, look at these strawberries. I can't eat them they will make me sick. Why can't you buy the good ones at the store mom, the ones that are good?" 

I contemplated whether I could put on the mean hat and tell him he needs to eat it or should I place the gentle hat on and tell him he doesn't have to eat it. I told myself several times over the years that I can't let him get away with everything because of the autism.

"Max you have been upset with me when I don't buy you strawberries and now you won't eat the ones I buy.  You have to eat.  You are a big boy now and you need to eat what is on your plate."

Max holds up the strawberry.  "Look at the mold mom.  Look how moldy it is."

Max had two strawberries on his plate and time was passing quickly. He still needed to finish his homework, brush his hair and teeth, and I needed to get his lunch in his back pack.

"Max, I would never give you strawberries with mold on them. You need to eat one of them."

I was proud that he took the strawberry and ate it.

He quickly moved to the other side of the table where I had his homework. Max has a hard time using a pencil because he pushes to hard on the paper and ripes it. I have bought mechanical pencils for him hoping it would help. He placed the mechanical pencil in his hand."Mom there is no lead in this pencil. I frantically look in my pencil box near the telephone. "Use this one."

Max runs his fingers over the paper. "What do I do on this paper, Mom?" 

I read it out loud. "What is the best way for you to learn?"  Right next to the question Max had printed the word "tactile".  I guess he wrote that in class yesterday.

"Well Max what helps you to learn? I think you like to touch the item and feel if it's hard or soft. You like to look at it to see how it's made. Think about your Lego's and how you decide to build your buildings and airplanes."

"Mom this is not what I mean. I can't understand what the question is."

"Max it's asking you how do you best learn or understand stuff. Are you a visual learner, hands on learner or do you like to read the instructions?"

Max got very frustrated and dropped the pencil on the table. His eyes met mine with a overwhelming need for help with the question. I decided the time was running out and I heard the engine the bus was at our doorstep.  I picked up the paper place it in his folder and told him to finish it at school. 

Then I placed his lunch sack in his back pack and we walked to the restroom to brush his hair and teeth. When he walked out the front door with the viola strap and back pack on his shoulder.  I was pleased that he has grown into the sweet loving boy that once was difficult to handle. He continues to take one step forward and two steps back, but in my heart he has grown two steps forward and one step back.

Sunday he asked me what charity meant and what does it mean to be humble. Honestly I believe those are two words that describe my Magnificent Max.

NeW sChoOl, NeW TeAcheR, nEw ScHeDuLe

A train in Tombstone.

Cowboy Max

Last weekend we went to St. David for my nephew Matthew's wedding. Max loved playing with his favorite cousin Sammy who is a couple of years younger. Max always talks about Sammy even though they may only see each other once a year.
After the reception we drove to Tombstone and walked the wooded sidewalks that hugged the famous old buildings. Max found a mood ring for sale in one of the stores. He didn't ask me to buy it; he never has been a child who begs for stuff. During the last two vacations, we let the kids get a ring as a token to bring home. I thought since we didn't take a vacation this summer why not buy him one.  You should have seen the smile that spread between Max's ears as I told him he could pick one.

On our way home Max looked at the ring to see the color and then he looked at the card to find out what mood it was saying he was in. He was so happy each time the color turned royal blue and validated that he was normal. He would look at the ring and then at the card. "Oh, I'm normal."

Max on his first day of junior high

Junior High tiptoed into Max's life quicker than I think he thought it would. It came out of nowhere. Sneaking in, it gave him a new world that I think he likes, but he is having a hard time coping. He is surviving the change, and it's a positive change. The new environment made him feel like he has began to feel more typical. I wonder if deep inside he wants to be normal like all twelve year olds. But after going to meet the teacher  on Tuesday and observing how different his self contained class looked from what a typical junior high classroom, I had to fight back my tears as it hit me that my Magnificent Max is not typical. He loved the room! Five desks placed perfectly in a semi-circle and around the teacher's desk. His name placed in the upper right hand corner of the desk, like I remembered seeing when my other children started kindergarten. A string with a bead attached to a paper with numbers one through five was taped to the upper left hand corner. I knew then my son needed added resources to help him share how he feels emotionally by moving the bead to the number to tell the teacher if he was happy or sad.

The child psychologist guided us into the joining room and spoke with enthusiasm.

"This is where Max will learn life skills."

 My jaw dropped as I scanned the room and I couldn't believe right in front of me was a full size washer, dryer, refrigerator, microwave, stove, oven and dish washer.

Next we toured the cafeteria, library, and then we visited with the orchestra teacher. It warmed my heart when the teacher told us that the principal gave an okay for Max 

to be in orchestra. As we journeyed home from our hour and a half voyage around campus, Max seemed quiet and that isn't the norm for Max.
Yesterday I picked Max up from school about twenty minutes before school got out, because he missed his allergy shot the day before, because the bus dropped him off at five.

Max waved his arms as he spoke. "Mom why did you have to pick me up?"

I gently pushed him to walk with me. "Because you need an allergy shot."

Max stopped me. "Why couldn't you pick me up tomorrow?"

I looked down and noticed I must have left Max's water bottle on the counter in the school office. "We need to go back to the office and get your water bottle."

Max followed me and continue to talk. "Why did you pick me up today?" 

I walked about two feet in front of Max...it was scorching 113 degrees and I knew he would want water. "I told you that you need to get a shot. Are you upset that I didn't give you warning that I was coming?"

"What does warning mean? Why didn't you come tomorrow and not today?"

Once we were buckled and driving out of the parking lot. "Did you want to know ahead of time that I was coming to get you?" 

Max opened up his water bottle and took a drink before he spoke. "What does "ahead of a time" mean?"

By this time, I was unsure what else I could say to him. "I know you like to be told what is happening next and maybe you are upset because I didn't tell you earlier."

Max taped my arm. "Mom, this teacher makes me feel respected. I wanted you to come get me tomorrow. If I treat her with respect, she will treat me with respect."

"I'm happy you like your teacher. Yes, respect is important and it can make you feel good inside. Max you are in the car and we are going to get your allergy shot. If I came tomorrow it would be a waste of gas."

"Mom you can always go get more gas...so why did you pick me up?"

 For fifteen minutes the same question was asked. When we entered the doctor's office and Max noticed the sign that said; "Closed after 11:30 tomorrow".

Max pointed at the sign. "I now know why you picked me up today."

Finally after his shot, going to Albertsons, Costco, and then home to put the milk away. We left again for speech therapy. He was tickled that he could share his pictures, that we got from Costco, with his therapist. On our way home from speech Max talked about how much he missed his brother Malachi and he wanted to go home to be with him.

Within seconds after I turned off the car Max dashed to the house to greet his older brother Malachi.

Tooth Fairy Visited and Size 16 Pants!

Max is starting to take the physical changes the doctor talked about at our last physical. After having several other children go through puberty, I didn't think it would be a big deal to have one more, but for some reason having Max go through this experience seems to scare me a little. A dear friend from my church, who has three children with autism told me it's different for them. I can honestly say Max doesn't care if I see him nude even with the puberty starting. He doesn't seem to care if he has is hair comb or if he is wearing the cool brand names. Like my other kids he has taken on this puberty stuff in a different way. For instance he thinks when he turns 13 he can watch PG 13 movies. In the past couple of months he has out grown his size 12 pants and is now wearing a size 16. He laughed non-stop while I paid for the new size 16 jeans. He is so thrilled he is wearing a size 16 when he is only 12 years old.

Last week Max lost his last two baby teeth on the same day. No more visits from the tooth fairy and honestly I think she is ready to retire.

Max loves his nephew Preston and often tells me when Malachi leaves on a mission that Preston will be his buddy. 

On the way to occupational and speech therapy today I asked him if he cares if his hair is brushed.
He responded quickly. "No."
Of course, I care, so I have been trying to help Max be more self-suffcient by taking care of his own hair. I wonder if he is ready for that responsibility yet.

It tickles me how he can laugh over the simplest things. Friday night we were driving home from Barns and Noble and he was laughing so hard he couldn't stop until thirty minutes later. He was laughing over the word "coward". I asked him if he knew what the word meant and he said, "no, but it sounds like a funny word."

Max and I

Yesterday Max and I went to the grocery store to buy milk and a few other items.  While I was self checking out he kept on asking me  "Mom what are we doing later today?"

I don't know why, but I felt overwhelmed with his question and knew it wasn't common for me to get so uptight with him. I am usually very calm. I felt a need to hurry and leave the store. So I didn't pay much attention to what Max was asking. 

Max moved closer to me and put his weight on the scale of the self check out counter. (He has never understood the reason of why I don't want him to touch it.)

"Max stand away from the scale please so I can finish and we can leave."
He quickly moved away and tapped my arm. "Mom what are we doing later today?"

I was scanning my fourth gallon of milk and for some reason I couldn't focus. "Max let me finish and then I will answer your question."

Max touched the scanner again making it to were the cashier had to come over and see what was going on. "Mom why are are you acting like this? Why won't you answer me?"

 I had this urge to lay on the floor and scream while kicking my legs and shaking my arms like a toddler. But being an adult I knew that was out of the question. Max tugged at my shirt like a little boy would and yell out. "Mom what are we doing today?" 

I seriously came close to throwing my money in the air and walking out the door, but I knew I couldn't do that either. My hands shook as I tried to focus on what way to place the money in feeder so it would accept it.

I realized as I left the store that Max still is a little boy. It's been hard to see him grow physically, but in someways he is still a little five year old.

Under my breath and almost a whisper I said a prayer to help me calm down and realized there was no reason to be upset. I guess after Max asking me before we even arrived at the store, then while we shopped and then while we checked out I never could answer him.

Max believes once you say it you have to mean it. So I guess I never answered him, because I didn't know what to say. I knew in my heart what he wanted to hear is, 'Oh we are going to the Lego's store.' 

Max has taught me to value life and see the good in others. He has helped me to deal with problems in ways I didn't think I ever would have learned without the trials I have had with him. He is a blessing and joy. 

When we got home I sat with him and explain he had scouts and needed to have dinner before he left. I think he was disappointed and sad.  I knew if I would have told him at the store while I was checking out it would have been more frustrating than it already was. He would have then started to ask me, "Why, why can't I go to the Lego store?" 

No Drinks for Max

Max was lucky to have his brother Malachi go with him to scout camp and help him. If it wasn't for Malachi, Max would of been a lost sheep among the boys. Malachi told me that Max complained often about having dirty feet.

On the way up to camp and on the way home, Max had to use the restroom several times. I think the leaders realized no more drinks for Max.

Max went to Scout Camp!

                                 Malachi and Max leaving for Camp Raymond.

I got seven merit badges they were First Aid, Swimming, Environmental Science, Geology, Forestry, Soil & Water Conservation and Mammal Study.                 

Environmental Science I had  to do observations and  write about flowers on Friday. And mammal study I had to do a report on a mammals. Swimming I had to do swim. First aid I had to learn how to do fix injury and health problem and I was very thirsty.